THE COLOUR OF LIFE

My world is grey. My world is black and white. Life is full of contradictions, and mine isn’t short of any. It seems to be progressively more involved in the grey areas of existence: emotion, relationships, time. Though I find such situations increasingly vague, I am beginning to see them with a better clarity than ever before. I didn’t get around to doing the laundry today, in my grey world, translates to I didn’t do it, in plain black and white. I didn’t give my husband a back massage because I was so tired, translates to I didn’t do it. Even though we can’t afford it, I really felt that I needed a pair of boots to wear in town this winter; I bought them anyway.

Yes. Life is grey. But it is my life, according to me, that is. Not my life according to others. Not my life according to the dog, or my sister or my husband. Not life outside of me. My emotions, my feelings, my desires are all grey. Should I act on them? Maybe. But I should be aware that my actions are black and white. My actions decide the person that I am. Maybe I feel that I love my husband. Maybe I say that I adore him. If I don’t act loving or adoring towards him, if my love is only in my words then I am two things: not loving or adoring, and a liar. Plain and simple. Black and white.

So, out of my (newfound and possibly short-lived) wisdom, I have concluded, like many others before me: life is what I make it. It is what I choose through my actions. For the most part I have waited around for things to fall into my lap, and they have. I think my run of good luck is at an end and it is time for me to start taking action and taking control. I do not want to get to those pearly gates and have God ask me, “What did you do with your life” and for me to say, “Well, I was going to do such and such, but there was this really good movie on T.V. so I didn’t.” From now on, I am going to do it! Hah! While I am aware that this is going to be a habit that I must acquire: it is not going to happen overnight, I must also be aware that saying that I will try and do something, and actually doing it are two different things. So, this is the beginning of my diary charting my action-taking progress. I am not sure how it will go. Perhaps I need a plan of action. Long-term goals and short-term goals. I will let you know how it goes. Wish me luck……You can hold me accountable.